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Carly Wallace Guest Author of “Southern Summer” and Review.

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“I’m very polite by nature, even the voices in my head let each other finish their sentences.” Graham Parke, Unspent Time

I’d originally planned to have a monkey draw two random numbers out of a hat (then use the inverse hexadecimal value – because you cannot trust monkeys, not at the prices I’m willing to pay) but apparently there are laws against monkey labor. There are permits involved. It’s a whole thing. So instead I asked a friend to think of two random numbers while dressed in a monkey suit, without telling him what the numbers were for. This seemed sufficiently random to me, although it later occurred to me how worrying it was that my friend would actually do this without ever asking why. There might be a thinly veiled cry for help in there somewhere…

Kindle Fire Winner:

Cecilia HuddlestonKindle Touch Winner:

Kathy Habel

 

A big thank you to all the bloggers and readers who supported the Unspent Time launch event (especially those who bought multiple versions of the weird little novels that wrecked a thousand reasonably useful minds.)

Anyway, here’s the results, thank you all for joining in, winners will be contacted and forced to accept prizes, let me know if you ever come across bits in the novels you like, stay healthy and sane,

Graham Parke

“We played for about half an hour before I realized we were actually playing two different games. What I’d thought of as ludo was actually a game called gin rummy, and what War


Unspent Time Launch Party

Get free books and win a Kindle Fire or a Kindle Touch


Warning: reading this novel may make you more attractive and elevate your random luck by about 9.332%*
(* These statements have not been evaluated by any person of consequence!)

From the award winning author of ‘No Hope for Gomez!’ comes a collection of impossible tales. Permeating the cracks between the past and the present is the realm of Unspent Time; time that was allotted but never spent. This is where we find the stories that could have been true.
Read how to enter below. Excerpt The tentacles hovered in the air for only an instant, then came crashing down again, straight at her. She could only stare at them in fear; there was no time to react. And yet, they missed again. Only by millimeters, but they missed. However, she felt pain all over her body. Her back and head throbbed as if she’d been beaten.

Then the tentacles withdrew. They disappeared behind the precipice silently. That’s when Kiala realized she was lying on her back, several meters inland from the jetty.

“That was close,” said a breathy voice.

Kiala whirled round to find a boy standing behind her. He was tall and slender, handsome in a mysteriously odd kind of way, with pale skin that was close to translucent and eyes that were bright and piercing. As she struggled to get up, she felt the boy’s gaze move right through her. The boy’s eyes were also red-rimmed with deep, dark rings around them.

Truth be told, he looked a bit sickly.

“Are you alright?” Kiala blurted out.

“Me?” The boy caught his breath. He brushed some imaginary dust and some very real tentacle slime from his cape and said, “I just saved your life. I should be asking you that question.”

“I know,” Kiala said. “And I can’t thank you enough for what you just did, but, well.” She gave him a sympathetic smile. “You look awfully pale, as if you might collapse at any moment. ”

The boy snorted. He made his cape catch an invisible breeze so it wrapped around him dramatically. “Are you kidding me?” He lowered his voice to a menacing whisper. “I’m Waywick III of the flying cannibal clan of the lost city of Vark. I’m a creature of dusk and twilight. I’m an unholy spirit of death!”

“No, you’re not,” Kiala said. She rubbed at her back, where he’d apparently dragged her over some pretty pointy rocks.

“Excuse me?” Waywick gave her a baffled look. “Of course I am!”

Kiala rolled her eyes at him. “Well, you don’t look all that dead and unholy to me. You just look a bit pale, that’s all.”

“I never said I was dead,” Waywick bristled. “I just said I was a flying cannibal and an unholy spirit of death. That doesn’t mean that I am dead.” He shook his head at her. “It just means that I’m very, very dangerous.”

“Sure,” Kiala said. “Again, though, you don’t look all that dangerous.”

Waywick opened his cape wide and puffed out his chest. “Then perhaps you should take a closer look.”

Kiala decided not to, instead she searched for her rod. She’d dropped it during the attacks. It lay wedged between two boulders a few meters away.

“I don’t know,” she told Waywick. “Anyone can look pale, thin, and sickly, that doesn’t automatically mean that they’re dangerous.” She checked the rod for surface damage and was relieved to find it in good condition. “In fact,” she continued, “it usually means exactly the opposite.”

… continued in Unspent Time, nominated for GoodReads Laugh out Loud book of 2012

How to enter:
For the launch of the new novel I decided to discount it to $0.99 for today (PC and eBook), give away some exclusive content, and raffle off two Kindles. All entrants will get:

  • An exclusive spin-off novelette (not available for purchase anywhere!)
  • Making of Gomez: behind the scenes eBook
  • Signature for their paperback or kindle edition
  • Chance to win a Kindle Fire or a Kindle Touch


(Prizes can be traded for Amazon gift certificates if you already own them.)
Just email your receipt to nohopeforgomez@gmail.com to enter.
Each purchase counts, so stock up on birthday presents (for people you don’t like that much, for instance) The discount ends today, but be sure to send the receipts no later than June 1st.


(Or order the books from any bookstore.)
Coupon code for today: ZB77D

And then get by // ing about your purchase and another by mentioning it on facebook

Sound bites from Unspent Time:

“I’m looking into my past lives. I’m convinced some of them still owe me money.”

“I’m very polite by nature, even the voices in my head let each other finish their sentences.”

“I didn’t actually want to do it,” Kiala told the boy. “The universe just kind of conspired to force me to make a fool of myself. It does that quite a lot, actually.”

“Sadly, my socks are like snowflakes, no two are exactly alike.”

Here’s what reviewers had to say:

“A veritable page turner of nonstop laughs!” — Reader Views
“An unputdownable read. a Coens Brothers’ film in book form.” — BookReview.com
“Extremely witty and clever writing.” — California Chronicle
“A Party for your Brain!” — Warren Baxter

Bio:

Graham Parke is responsible for a number of technical publications and has recently patented a self-folding map. He has been described as both a humanitarian and a pathological liar. Convincing evidence to support either allegation has yet to be produced.
No Hope for Gomez! was voted GoodReads Funniest Read of 2010

www.grahamparke.com
www.grahamparke.blogspot.com
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